Topic: Mental health

Tackling the Challenge (TTC) encourages local men to share their stories of overcoming physical, psychological and social health issues with the aim of opening a healthy discussion on men’s health.

TTC is led by the South Western Sydney Mental Wellbeing Health Promotion Team in partnership with government and non-government services including Western Sydney University.

Community Pulse is publishing a series of these stories. If you have a story to share, please contact Brendan Bennett on 8738 5983 or Brendan.Bennett@health.nsw.gov.au

Malcolm reflects on his journey

The Tackling the Challenge: Talking Men’s Health project gives a voice to men’s health and shares stories of overcoming life’s challenges to encourage other men to ask for help.

In this story, Malcolm shares his life journey.

By the age of 30, Malcolm had accomplished many things most would only dream of. He had received all of his engineering qualifications, owned properties, worked a variety of jobs and travelled for three years across 36 countries. Despite this, Malcolm felt adrift.

Returning to Australia from working overseas, Malcolm married for the first time and entered the hotel business as part-owner of an establishment with his family members. “So here I was, early 30’s with my name above the door of a hotel – I was very proud”.

Malcolm and his wife welcomed pregnancy news and opted out of the hotel business to focus on their new family.

They welcomed a baby daughter into their lives who was born with Down syndrome. At the time, Malcolm felt a sense of shock then guilt, despite professional reassurance that a person who has Down syndrome can go on to live quite an ordinary life in the community.

Living with a sense of helplessness and feeling to blame, Malcolm started to unravel.

He made some business decisions which did not go his way and lost financial stability. He felt increasingly low and began to grow disconnected from his family. His relationship ended in divorce and he moved out of the family home. “I was in depression, deep depression,” he said.

Malcolm moved to Sydney and lived with friends, working as a taxi driver to make ends meet. “I reached such a low point, I felt like a total nobody and didn’t know which way to turn,” he said.

During this time, Malcolm disguised the extent of his mental distress to his extended family but a good friend suggested he seek professional support from a nearby counsellor at Catholic Care.

Over time, the counsellor helped Malcolm identify and understand what he was going through. She guided Malcolm away from holding blame for his daughter’s intellectual disability and she provided him with tools to support his recovery from depression.

Malcolm’s recovery journey included non-judgemental support from a life-long friend who understood the depths of his depression; therapeutic support; re-engagement with study; and joining a social group which helped him form new connections with others across Sydney.

“Suddenly, life started to look up because I was mixing with lots of people,” he said. 

He also credits his Christian faith which has grown as a result of facing the highs and lows of life. 

In this social group, Malcolm met his second wife and moved to the Southern Highlands to support her new role as a teacher. Malcolm also credits his second wife for supporting him through his recovery.

Sadly after 26 years of marriage and a second daughter, his wife passed away from cancer.

Now, Malcolm is proudly part of the Bundanoon Men’s group ‘Men at Shop’. This group is mainly retired men from a variety of backgrounds who meet weekly for an hour over a cup of coffee.

“I often sit there and observe four separate conversations happening around the table, it’s never the same blokes together,” he said.

This group helps men connect with the community to combat loneliness, often after their partners have passed away. “It’s a great way for blokes to get out and be with other blokes,” he said.

Malcolm is grateful and content with his life and his advice to other men is to make sure they have people around who they can trust, to talk to about how they feel and why.

Further support can be provided by a GP or heath professional. You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Mental Health Access Line on 1800 011 511.

Tackling the Challenge (TTC) encourages local men to share their stories of overcoming physical, psychological and social health issues with the aim of opening a healthy discussion on men’s health.

TTC is led by the South Western Sydney Mental Wellbeing Health Promotion Team in partnership with government and non-government services including Western Sydney University.

Community Pulse is publishing a series of these stories. If you have a story to share, please contact Brendan Bennett on 8738 5983 or Brendan.Bennett@health.nsw.gov.au

A builder learns how to rebuild

After 28 years together and two lovely daughters, one now living in London, Annie found that over time her distress levels were increasing. Annie was feeling overwhelmed, helpless and had become mentally unwell. It took some time for husband, Ian, to realise what was happening.

“If someone falls over and breaks a leg, you know straight away they’re in trouble. But with mental illness it’s so important to encourage people to seek help when they need it,” he said.

After becoming unwell, and with the help of Ian, Annie sought help from a range of mental health services over many years for ongoing support with her treatment and recovery. Tragically, nine years ago Annie died by suicide.

“That morning we just sat in the kitchen chatting away for ages over a coffee. At about 10, I said I had to pop down the road to finish off a building job and would be back in time for lunch,” Ian recalled.

“After I left, she apparently went outside and watered the garden and chatted for a while with the neighbour. Then she got in the car and drove off. And that was that.”

Ian was crushed after his wife’s passing and in the back of his mind was a sense of blame for not doing more to help Annie. On any given day, the best Ian could hope for was a reason to get out of bed.

“It was as if the whole shape and framework of my life just collapsed with Annie’s passing. Meaning, purpose and routine ceased to exist. I found myself looking for things that would drive me forward: past the grief; past the anxiety; past the what-ifs.”

Overnight he went from being a tower of strength for his wife to being a man with new and emotional challenges to face. That’s how quickly things can turn.

Across Australia, one in five (20 per cent) people aged 16 to 85 will experience a mental illness in any year. Every day, at least eight Australians die from suicide and a further 30 people will attempt to take their own life.

“In our society we’ve placed a stigma on mental illness and that’s a massive problem. Because if you won’t even acknowledge the wound, how are you going to stop the bleeding?”

For Ian, activities with the ‘get-out-of-bed factor’ were what supported him get through this difficult time. Spending more time with his daughters was high on that list as well as church and prayer. Ian dived into community connections and became the international service director for the Bowral/Mittagong Rotary club and also renewed ties with his old ski club.

He travelled overseas to take time to reconnect with himself and his brother. When he wasn’t travelling he was working as builder, cycling, meeting new people and taking part in new activities.

A short while back, Ian rang up a close friend and asked him how he was getting on and the response was ‘yeah, I’m ok’.

As a result of his recent experience, Ian visited this friend and they spent the afternoon together chatting. Ian listened and supported his friend and provided advice to always seek support early.

What worked for Ian came in the form of personal and community connections. A range of professional help-seeking psychological services are available in the Wingecarribee Shire and can be accessed through a GP.

If you need further support, you can also contact Lifeline: 13 11 14.

Also, the Mental Health Line is a state-wide 24-hour mental health telephone access and information service. To call: 1800 011 511.

Find out more about Tackling the Challenge